Seeing With the Heart
One of the most difficult and devastating
losses one can experience is that of physical disability. Of these one of
the ones that is most feared is blindness, due to its impact on major life
functions.
In the past year I have had ample opportunity to learn about this first hand as
I have experienced acute visual loss due to medical errors. Ironically,
while the diagnosis for my condition was made at the same medical center that
caused the vision loss, no rehabilitation services exist there for visual loss
as such services are not reimbursed by health insurance. Instead a
referral was made to the Association for the Blind and Visually Impaired (ABVI).
Through their efforts and those of so many other "angels"
in my life I have been able to learn to see in new and different ways, to be
healed both physically and spiritually, one day at a time.
My first guide on this journey was a cheerful, empathic social worker who
stirred the cocoon of my isolation and apprised me of the many services
available to attend to daily life functions, to communicate and move freely and
independently. Through her kind ministrations, she helped me sort through
the confusion and organize and chart the course of my rehabilitation.
My next visitor was a vision rehab specialist who assessed my home from top to
bottom, customizing appliances, labeling clothing, and procuring such helpful
devices as a talking watch. As I had been an avid reader, she introduced
me to Braille and low vision magnifying devices. As the weeks passed I
slowly and laboriously worked my way up from nursery rhymes, to Aesop's fables
and now today am working through a full length novel.
One challenging facet of physical disability is the isolation imposed. This
problem was attended to by a marvelous mobility instructor. Her cheerful,
can-do attitude was infectious. Again, very slowly, I learned with my long cane
to perceive changes in pavement gradients, develop echo location skills and
solidify an inner compass with other senses to assess direction, obstacles,
etc.. My efforts were reinforced by a bevy of friends who patiently guided me as
I repeatedly walked familiar byways to form mental maps of my surroundings.
One major lifeline for those with disabilities are the advances in technology.
With training sessions at the ABVI and the efforts of the Commission for
the Blind and Visually Handicapped, I received adaptive computer equipment.
Through the loving encouragement of friends I kept in continuous contact
via email, the Internet and began writing my experiences reflectively.
Throughout the process of acquiring these new skills, I was sustained and
propelled by the loving encouragement of family and friends who cheered on the
small, incremental achievements, sent cards, gifts, took me with them to
dinners, movies, etc.. These let me know that while physical disability
may change one's life, it does not end it.
As I have progressed through my rehabilitation I have had the opportunity to
learn much. Through the caring support of the ABVI staff, my faith, my
family, friends, former colleagues and most of all, a loving husband, I have
learned that while visual loss can have a major effect on one's life; there
are many different ways to see. For each new skill acquired confers restoration
of confidence and self-worth. With my long cane I have explored the
nuances of how and where that sidewalk ends, inhaled and received inspiration
and guidance from the scent of a rose, shared the interpretation of a novel with
its reader and caressed an author's words with my fingertips. While I do not for
one minute minimize the problems physical disability can pose, I also know that
there is only one truly profound disability - that of the spirit. It is
also one that each of us has the capacity to cure - through seeing and speaking
to each other lovingly with our hearts - to look within ourselves and to one
another each and every day.
Included below are two reflections written during my rehabilitation.