In 1994, after several years of unsuccessful attempts to conceive a child naturally or by the help of infertility drugs, my doctor recommended I have a outpatient radiological procedure done to see what my chances were of becoming pregnant. I was very nervous but held on to the hope that my reproductive system would allow me to become pregnant. It HAD to; it was my lifelong dream to become a mother.
After an hour of agonizing tests, my doctor delivered the crushing news to me. He said conceiving a child naturally just would not be possible and suggested that my husband and I considered adoption or possibly invitro fertilization. I was devastated. My body was wracked with pain as I was escorted into the small dressing room where my clothes had been left. I sobbed uncontrollably as I kept hearing the doctor's last words to me repeat again and again. I felt that I needed to get dressed and get out of that hospital - I needed to call my husband to tell him this horrible news.
With tears streaming down my eyes, I grabbed my crumpled clothes that sat on a chair near the only door that served as an entrance and exit in this small room. In the back corner of this room was a small restroom equipped only with a toilet and sink. This tiny restroom appeared to me as a safe haven where I could sob and ask God, "Why ME?". I slowly began to dress as I continued to cry; my outbursts took shape in the form of ocean waves - just as one subsided another began to rise. I needed to get out of this place. As embarrassed as I was by my emotional state, I knew that I would not find resolution within the confines of that room.
Just as I opened the door to this tiny restroom, a woman stood there with a sympathetic look and extended arms. She then said to me, "You do not know me, but I think you need a hug". I never got the chance to pull away from this kind stranger; she enveloped me with strong loving arms and caressed my head as I let the pain I felt come bubbling to the surface. I felt no shame; only comfort by this woman of a middle-aged, somewhat wrinkled appearance. I suddenly felt compelled to tell her what I had learned and remember her taking my face into her hands as she asked, "Do you believe in God?" I said, "Yes, but why ME? It's so unfair! I was put on this earth to be a mother!" I continued to cry as she explained that many people have a purpose in life and to think of all of the children already on this earth that have no home, and that God has a plan for all of the parentless - children and childless - couples. She looked straight into my eyes and said, "God has a plan for you, too.". With that, she gave me one last embrace and went into this bathroom that I had just occupied. I went to the chair nearest the door exit to gather my shoes that had been left under it.
A very peaceful feeling suddenly came over me as my tears began to subside. I felt a little bit stronger; I was thinking a little more clearly. That kind lady gave me the strength to get through that horrible day. I waited patiently for her to exit the restroom. I wanted her to know that I appreciated her comfort and compassion for a complete stranger. As I waited for her, I noticed the time by a clock on the wall and remembered a very important errand that I needed to tend to. I decided to knock on the bathroom door to thank her, hoping it did not seem rude. There was no answer. I knock louder; still no answer. I then began to worry about her (unsure of what medical condition prompted her to have tests run in the first place), so I reached for the door knob and noticed that it was not locked. I opened the door, but the kind woman was not in this little room. She was nowhere to be found!
I stared in total disbelief for what seemed like hours. I knew immediately that I had been touched by an angel's presence. She was specially appointed for me that hopeless October day; she needed to remind me just how present God's love is at all times. I have always felt so incredibly special for witnessing this miracle.
That day was the catalyst in helping me improve 'faithless' areas of my life. I began taking positive steps to improve the quality of my life by thanking God for every little blessing HE has bestowed upon me. Just as my husband and I were in the process of being interviewed by an adoption agency, I discovered I was pregnant. In 1997, I gave birth to a beautiful little boy, who has just turned three. He is the light of our lives. He is another miracle that God has chosen for us to receive. Not a day goes by that I do not thank HIM for Nolan. Not a day goes by that I do not see my "angel" somewhere amidst the twinkle in my son's eyes. May God bless each of you as powerfully as he has me.
Shawn Sheppard pns@s7.net