Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. - Woody Allen

Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love. (from 'Annie Hall'} - Woody Allen

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia. - Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. - Woody Allen

Mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total distinction. - Woody Allen